Tuesday 3 July 2012

Plan? What plan?

I had a post lined up talking about ethe uselessness of maternity-wear in the last few weeks of pregnancy, as in "nothing fits anymore unless it's a tent we're talking about". Had it almost ready to post when everything went out the window.

Just over two weeks ago, Mr M and I went out for a romantic dinner to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary. Bibu stayed with the Belgian grandparents for the night, so we could have some time for the two of us. Nice restaurant, nice food, followed by a nice breakfast the morning after at our usual Sunday morning cafe. At one point, though, I started to have pain which immediatelly reminded me of the kind of pains I had before leaving to the hospital to have Bibu, so we finished our croissants in a hurry and we went to the hospital, just to be sure it wasn't the real thing coming already.

Well, it WAS the real thing. I was examined by the nurse and told I was 3cm dilated and the monitoring confirmed I was having regular (and rather painful) contractions. Being not even 35 weeks pregnant was not ideal, so they started treatment to stop the labour process. Luckily it worked, but it meant I had to stay in hospital for 4 days and was ordered bedrest for the following two weeks, until week 37 (when all babies are considered "full term").

So, I have been resting at home ever since....... Sure, the first few days after coming back from hospital were nice, but I am now well and trully bored and looking forward to the whole thing being over. I know that every day that I manage to keep our little Penguin inside is good, but I feel tired of being tired, have no energy whatsoever, everything hurts, I can barely sleep or barely find a position I can sleep in. Also, I am very irritable (more than usual) and feel sad, nervous, bored........ Did I mention I was bored already?

I've watched some movies and read a couple of books, but nothing beats the feeling that I have been pregnant for a lifetime, and that my body has been taken away from me....... I know feeling all this is normal, and obviously now we're very close to the date when Penguin will actually come out from hidding, but it is really hard. That, plus starting to think about the whole birth process........It was not an easy affair with Bibu and, although I am hopping for a better performance second time around, I am bracing myself for another long thing.

Anyway, my parents are here since a few days and that helps. They get on my nerves a bit, but it has always been like that, but they try to do their best and are certainly giving me a big helping hand with Bibu, who deserves a fun summer too and not one where his mum cannot do anything as is scotched to the sofa.

Tomorrow I will be 37 weeks pregnant, have stopped the medication already, so things should progress soon, I guess. Next post will surely be a post-birth one. I just needed to rant a bit.

Friday 1 June 2012

Here we go again


So, last year I posted a blog entitled 2011 starts on the 10 of January. This year, judging by the frequency of my posting, clearly starts on the 31st of May.

In fact, now that I think of it, it’s not such a bad idea to black out the autumn/ winter months, like they never existed, and start the year when spring is definitely becoming summer. It’s not that nothing happened in these 7 months since my last post. On the contrary, a lot has happened, but big parts of it I’d rather leave out of this blog.

Since my last post in November 2011, there were happy times, learning that after our second IVF attempt I was pregnant, and with twins. This was quickly followed by extremely sad times, as we lost one of the babies in the process. As I said before, I will not go into the details, but let’s just say that end of the year did not bring me the usual feeling of starting with a blank sheet, a brand new year full of promise round the corner. It was a very bittersweet affair, only made bearable by spending New Year’s Eve surrounded by friends, Mr M and Bibu. They were a saving force, and I feel so grateful for having them in my life.

January and February were a few tough months. They now seem like a blur, but I think of it sometimes and they were definitely some of the toughest weeks of my life. Little by little, though, the light started to shine at the end of the seemingly endless tunnel and worry and grief started giving space for hope, for the little boy that is growing inside me and who will be here in a few more weeks (I’m now 32 weeks pregnant)

Yes, it’s a another boy! I would have been happy either way, but I always pictured myself more as a mother of boys than girls. Girls are super cute and delicate, but I find them a bit alien. I am quite happy with a house full of boys. Bibu is very happy and proud of becoming the “big brother” and he promises he will help take care of the baby. Let’s see when Penguin (as we call our little bundle) is out of the belly and jealousy kicks in, but so far is all love and kisses in my belly from Bibu.

Taking about Bibu, he has grown so big! He just turned 4 last week and he’s going through a growth spurt, as he looks so tall and definitely not baby-like anymore. He’s a true boy, full of energy and with a special talent for making holes on his trousers’ knees. He has his character too and is super expressive. He reminds me of somebody, hahaha…..

Mr M is a sweetie, as ever. I have probably repeated this a few times in this blog, but I am so happy he’s in my life. We have gone through extremely difficult times together this year and we faced the odds together, as a team. Love is in the big things and in the small things, like offering to move my car at 7 in the morning to a place where I can actually park. That’s love!

Anyway, all this to say, “I’m back”. I recently got to re-read my old posts and thought of giving this blog another chance. Watch this space!